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A woman was recently spotted riding a manatee at Florida’s Fort DeSoto Park, and animal rights nuts immediately got their panties in a bunch and demanded she be punished.

After exhaustive media coverage, Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez, 52, turned herself in and is facing charges for violating the Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act.

According to the Act, “It is unlawful for any person at any time, by any means, or in any manner, intentionally or negligently to annoy, molest, harass, or disturb or attempt to molest, harass, or disturb any Manatee.”

I’m no animal psychologist, but these all seem like subjective terms. How do you know the manatee didn’t like having some fat broad rub up against it? Hell, he probably thought she was just another sea cow, and he was getting some action.

I’m tired of these bullshit laws with real penalties. If you want to bust someone for killing a manatee, that’s fine, but don’t waste time on a witch-hunt because some imbecile decided to frolic with it. Nature has a way of sorting these things out without human intervention.

For example, when I tried to ride one of the “tame” deer that live along Virginia’s Skyline Drive, it gored me in the thigh and ass with its little horns. When I then jumped over a rock ledge to get away, I knocked over a hornet’s nest and was repeatedly stung by bees. No park rangers or cops were involved, and I only tried to ride a deer one more time after that.

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