chinaI’m a man who likes to learn from other’s mistakes. When My buddy Samoan Mike tried to ride on the hood of my car and ended up skidding across the McDonald’s parking lot on his fat belly like a goddamned penguin, I realized car surfing wasn’t for me.

Ditto for the time I watched my neighbor jump off his roof with an umbrella for a parachute. Luckily, the mulch cushioned his fall, and he didn’t break anything, but his little aeronautical experiment convinced me a higher roof and bigger umbrella was probably a bad idea.

That’s why I’m dumfounded our president wants to take in more Muslim refugees. I understand he believes in some stupid Benetton ad of a country where all the different creeds and colors live together in harmony, but reality paints a far bleaker picture.

Look no further than France where their stupid Christian charity was repaid with slaughter.

Doing good deeds is for suckers, and if that is the only lesson I teach my three kids, I’ll consider my otherwise shitty parenting a success.

And what exactly do these refugees bring to the table? A medieval mindset? A shoddy work ethic, large families that require taxpayer subsidies, and a very hostility to the beliefs and traditions that made the West great in the first place?

You know what immigrants I want? Hot Asian women. China has a billion people, and I would be more than happy to subsidize a few hundred thousand of their fine-assed ladies to come to the old U.S. of A.

It may be the early morning buzz talking, but surely this makes more sense, right?