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The Hampton National Historic Site in Towson, Md. decided to hold a “Slave for a Day” event on July 8th. On that magical Sunday you can “work in the fields with actual hoes” and “carry buckets of water with a yoke on your shoulders.”

I called the park directly to see what they meant by work with actual hoes, and it’s actually a lot less fun than it sounds. They meant the garden tool, not real, live hoes.

The slave for a day program was the brainchild of park ranger and probable BDSM enthusiast, Angela Roberts-Burton, and boy does it sound like fun. I for one would love to go to Maryland on a hot day in July and do manual labor in the blazing sun. Maybe a stern-faced overseer could also ride by on horseback and hit with me with a whip, too.

The Park Service recently changed the name of the event to “Walk a Mile, a Minute in the Footsteps of the Enslaved on the Hampton Plantation,” after public complaints, but it just doesn’t have the same ring as the original name. That’s the problem with political correctness; it makes everything lame.

The more I think about it, this place is only about two hours from my house. If I really want to battle political correctness, I could dust off my old Colonel Sanders suit, pour myself a mint julep and drive up there. After all, you can’t very well have a slave for a day event without a master. That would just be historically inaccurate.