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Native Americans once lived throughout North America and through hard work and diligent effort we almost wiped them out.  This was no easy feat, mind you.  Our forefathers didn’t just wish them away.  They had to infect them with plagues, swindle them out of their land, starve them, and sometimes hunt them directly.

God I love you, forefathers.  You never met a problem where violence wasn’t at least considered as an answer.

Nowadays, you can hardly have a conversation without some asshole telling you she or he is some percentage Native American.  “My grandma was half Mattaponi, so I’m quarterMattaponi.”  You’re 100% delusional douche bag, so let’s just leave it at that.

I know it’s trendy now to be racially mixed, but that wasn’t the case until recently.  Up until the 60s, mixed blood was considered a badge of shame, and unless you were in the wilderness or on the absolute bottom rung of society, it wasn’t that common.

I met this one obviously Irish kid, complete with potato-shaped head and freckles, who tried to tell me his last name of Sloane was actually a Sioux name, and it was pronounced Slow’ane.  He also had an elaborate meaning for the name, which he explained in excruciating detail.  Later that night I snuck into his house and robbed him.  He should have read his history.

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