I was just reading a recap of last night’s game, and the comments were brutal. In addition to his poor play, many of them dealt with the two, count them, two, women Big Ben allegedly raped. Newsflash people, there are 3.5 billion women in the world, and Ben Roethlisberger only raped two of them.

I’m no mathematician, but I think that leaves approximately 3,499,999,998 women he has never sexually assaulted. Statistically, if you’re a woman, you have a higher chance of being killed by a falling coconut then getting raped by Ben Roethlisberger. Seriously, the odds of being killed by a falling coconut are 1 in 250 million.

You can email your apologies to Big Ben @ thepoongoon@gmail.com.