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Gacy6According to the World Clown Association, membership has fallen by nearly 30% over the last ten years, and as old clowns are dying off, new clowns aren’t joining the profession to replace them.

As a kid who was once subjected to the hell of having a clown entertain at his birthday party, I say good riddance.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that in the clown community, men like John Wayne Gacy aren’t the exception. They’re the norm. In addition to entertaining at parties as Pogo the Clown, he raped and murdered 33 young men.

It’s probably safe to say that every single male clown is a deviant sexual predator, and the only reason they learned to make balloon animals was so they could untie kids’ balloon knots. Plus, clown paint isn’t just a great disguise, but coupled with tears it makes a handy lube.

Years ago when I unsuccessfully ran for the Senate, I tried to make clown eradication a top priority, but thankfully, it seems Father Time is winning this fight for me. I just hope I live long enough to watch the last clown sucked into the fiery bowels of hell where they can’t hurt anyone else.