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lion When I was eight-years-old I got banned from Sunday school because the guy who taught it said I was evil and didn’t belong there. In hindsight it was for the best. It was a Catholic Sunday school, and my tender unmolested anus was living on borrowed time.

If memory serves the final straw for Brother Patrick was my inability to grasp why anyone would want to be a martyr. He kept telling us how brave Christians would rather be eaten by lions and burned to death than deny their faith which is just stupid.

Even a child should be able to spot the inherent logical flaw of suffering in this life for the mere chance of paradise in the next. Why not just cut to the chase and enjoy paradise right now?

At least on some level I can understand religious people. Their lives suck and they’re trying to get into some make-believe wonderland, but I can’t even begin to understand what motivates the saps on the left.

The Zimmerman case is a perfect example. Liberals are still weeping and gnashing their teeth about this issue and practically drowning themselves in white guilt. Meanwhile, in the real world whites are the victims of 9 out of every 10 interracial attacks involving blacks.

These leftist sheep don’t realize it, but I think that at their core they want the same thing as the religious nuts – absolution. And lucky for them Father Codajoy is prepared to provide it.

For a reasonable fee I will dress up in blackface and shoot all of you whiny white devils with a high pressure water hose while my German shepherd bites you in the ass. I will even contribute a portion of all proceeds to the United Negro College Fund.

Note: I won’t actually give any money to charity.