kidsatbeach Unlike the federal government, my home state of Virginia has to balance its finances every year, and since tax revenues are a little light this time around, our pimp governor, Terry McAuliffe, has decided his bitches need to pick up the slack.

One of his suggestions was not to fill about half of the vacant State Trooper positions, and I’m completely fine with that. As much as I envy someone whose job is basically to hide behind billboards and only emerge to be a total prick, we’ll probably be fine with three dozen less of them.

I’m decidedly less pleased with McAuliffe’s plan to hike liquor prices at our already overpriced state liquor stores.

Much like in the former Soviet Union, Virginia only allows booze to be sold through state-owned outlets. And just to up the F.U. factor, they mark up prices 69% and then tack on the third-highest excise tax in the nation at $19.19 per gallon.

Since I’m not a mincing pussy, I drink my liquor by the gallon so this really adds up quickly. And it’s especially galling because this price hike is only expected to raise $2.5 million in additional revenue.

I’m no economist, but if you want to make more money from state run liquor stores, shouldn’t you cut prices and increase demand instead of hiking taxes and killing it? Just look at crack dealers, they give you the first taste free because they know you’ll be coming back for more.

Liquor stores should do the same thing. Schedule free tastings and other public events so that sweet, sweet liquor can dig its claws into new customers.  That’s one of the real perks of selling an addictive poison.

And maybe tell cashiers not to be so hard on all those fake IDs. God knows how much revenue has been lost by not selling liquor to children.