I’m a big fan of Judo, and I’m not talking about the stuff Jews use to make bagels. The martial art is based upon the philosophy of maximum efficiency with minimum effort, and at its core you want to use your opponent’s strength against him.
And that’s exactly what I propose to do with the Mid-East.
The place only has one abundant asset, oil, and instead of bombing a few people here and there, let’s use that oil to make the whole goddamned area unlivable.
We need to drop the clean-air technology, stop conserving fuel and go back to those awesome 50s and 60s style gas guzzlers that got about eight miles to the gallon and pumped tons of sweet toxic smoke into the atmosphere with every mile driven.
Sure the government will have to subsidize gas prices, but considering we’ve spent over a trillion dollars in pointless Mid-East wars over the last decade, this might even end up being a cheaper option.
Of the fifteen most water scarce countries in the world, a full 80% of them are located in the Mid-East, and if we could just raise the world’s temperature a few more degrees we could deal a death blow to agriculture and fresh water there in one fell swoop.
As drought and famine ravage the land, tribes will fight to the death over the few remaining sources of arable land and fresh water, and they wouldn’t have the means to attack outside targets.
And sure this might damage parts of our own country, but we’re huge, and even if we lose places like Arizona and New Mexico, we’ll open up new lands in Alaska. Plus, Canada is full of unarmed hippies, so we could annex them, too.
There really is no downside here.