unnamed-1 I went to a bar the other day, and as I drank my lunch I struck up a conversation with an old British expat. At some point we started discussing America’s economic decline, and I explained how my own Unified Dance Theory predicted this years ago.

Basically, the better the population of a country dances, the worse its economy will perform. For example, Spain has good dancers, and its economy sucks. Conversely, the only way to get the economically prosperous Germans to show any rhythm is to let them goose-step prisoners into a gas chamber.

I then explained that as America continues to see more immigration from third-world countries with strong dancing traditions, our economic strength will continue to deteriorate.

It was about this time a waitress walking by overheard our conversation and corrected me that the proper term for third-world was actually developing world. I then asked her the PC term for dismissive wanking motion, but she just waddled off to go get triggered elsewhere.

But, the more I thought about it, I realized that our new obsession with euphemisms is kind of a tacit admission that our best days are behind us, and we’ve sort of just given up.

We no longer try to actually fix problems, so we just give them shiny new names so they sound slightly less shitty.

For example, we can’t help you walk you dirty cripple, but we can refer to you as “differently abled” because, you know, that compensates for the cruel fate that makes you scoot around the floor on your ass while the rest of us enjoy the sweet luxury of bipedal locomotion.

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