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It is estimated that the U.S. military currently maintains over 1,000 bases both at home and abroad, but looming defense cuts will force them to reduce that number substantially in the coming years. From Kosovo to Caroline county, installations will be shuttered and training budgets are going to be slashed.

Forced to think outside of the box, the top brass have charted a bold course. If approved, the Pentagon is going to buy the failing city of Detroit, and the entire metropolitan area is going to serve as the primary urban combat training area for all of the service branches.

Local Detroit politicians have predictably declared the proposal an illegal military occupation, but that hasn’t stopped representatives from the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines from drawing up plans to best utilize their zones.

Army General Max Washington practically gushed when explaining the training opportunities the area provides.

“Most modern conflicts aren’t fought on open ground,” he said, “but in decaying urban areas. Detroit perfectly exemplifies the third-world shitholes we’re currently fighting in, and since half the city already looks like it’s been bombed, it adds real authenticity to the training. I don’t think I’m out of line in saying that the training our boys receive here will prove invaluable in our next unwinnable conflict.”

Surprisingly, even Canada, which shares a border with Detroit, approves the change. The Canadian King himself has publicly expressed his hope that the move will not only cut down on cross-border crime but will prove to be an economic boon to all of Southwestern Ontario.

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