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bug Well, since you asked, I’m not living in a squalid refugee camp, so there’s that. An even better reason is that my fat ass is plopped down right in the middle of the first world, and I expect the rest of the planet to fill my grocery cart.

Otherwise, why are we making all those great pesticides and herbicides we can’t legally sell in the U.S.?

We’re making them for you poor countries. This way you can keep those tasty fruits and vegetables bug and weed free before you sell them to one of the multinational food processing companies at a barely living wage.

The more I think about using insects as food, the more I’m starting to warm up to it. The 200-page U.N. report that touted the benefits of eating bugs was pretty clear that edible insects are high in protein and essential minerals.

They’re also far more efficient than livestock at turning plant matter into meat.

We’re currently spending billions of dollars in this country on Food Stamps and subsidized lunches, but what’s that getting us? A bunch of fat-assed poor people buying soda and junk food, that’s what.

If we could get them transitioned over to a bug-based diet, they’d be leaner and healthier, and we’d save a ton of money. Now which one of you brave politicians are going to make this happen?