Tucker Max was rushed to Chadwick Memorial Hospital this morning when he was found unresponsive in his Austin, TX home. Details are scarce at this time, but it appears he is suffering from a rare imbalance of bodily fluids.

Dr. Mike Codajoy explains, “Approximately 57% of the average man’s weight is water.  Tucker’s percentages have always been different.  He is only about 51% water, with the remaining six percent made up of vinegar, and a touch of perfume.  He really is, or was, the perfect douche.”

Let us all hope and pray that Tucker Max pulls through and makes a full recovery.