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If I could have one wish, it would be to have the ability to travel back in time. I have mentioned this to a few people, and they agreed it would be great. The problem is everyone I talked to would waste this tremendous gift.

One guy said he would go back and listen to Jesus. What’s the point of that? I hate to burst your bubble, but you already know how that story is going to end. He winds up nailed to a cross. And, you can’t really change that without destroying one of the central pillars of Christianity.

I wouldn’t meet Buddha, hang out with Muhammad, or even try to kill Hitler. Maybe I would kill Hitler, but I wouldn’t spend a lot of time on it. If I’m a time traveler, it’s not like I would have to wait for him to become dictator. I could just walk up to his pregnant mom in 1888 and punch her in the stomach. I could be finished in a few minutes and still have time make it over to Vienna to catch a late lunch.

If I was going to travel back in time, there’s really only one destination, ancient Rome. If you had the coin, everything was for sale, and there weren’t really any laws against vice.

If you wanted a tall, hot blonde, check out the slave market. They’re sure to have one you like. Do you want drugs? How about some Opium? Do you want to strangle someone just for fun? Once again, head over to the slave market. Once you bought someone, you could pretty much do anything you wanted to them.

God ancient Rome was great.

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