Leda_and_the_Swan_2205692k Like most sane men, I’ve never had much use for organized religion. The fiercely monotheistic faiths like Judaism, Christianity and Islam all sprang from bleak environments of deserts and mountains, and these hard and unforgiving landscapes led to hard and unforgiving creeds.

Instead of embracing the things that make life great like getting drunk, banging grannies and jumping railroad tracks in rental cars, these religions are all focused on rules and regulations to take the fun out of living.

Eventually, bitterness is the end result, and you end up with pricks like Omar Mateen murdering 49 innocent people in an Orlando nightclub because they were gay, and homosexuality is one of the many things prohibited by his stupid religion.

The human brain seems pre-programmed to believe in some sort of higher power, and that’s why I’ve finally settled on the old Greek pantheon of Zeus, Athena, Poseidon and the like for my Godly needs.

For one, there’s a God of wine, and as deities go, that’s a pretty good one. The religious rules are also pretty lax, and instead of the concept of hell or a devil, you’re just told to do things in moderation and avoid excessive pride.

Once again, pretty manageable.

You are expected to sacrifice animals to the Gods, but after you burn up the divine share, you get to eat the rest, so I’m still on board.

I guess the only real danger is that Zeus will take the form of a bull, swan, serpent, goat, or dove to woo and bang my wife, but seeing as how bestiality has gone out of fashion these last two thousand years, I consider that an acceptable risk.