I’m a superstitious man. The day I got bit by a snapping turtle I was wearing an orange shirt, and I’ve never worn orange since. And not to get off topic here, but did you know that if you stood on a snapping turtle’s back it can still extend its freakishly long neck, throw its head back over itself and bite the ever loving shit out of you?
Me neither, but I promise you that it can.
But back to this stupid boat. I believe certain items just seem to be cursed, and that’s precisely why I think building and sailing an exact duplicate of the Titanic is a terrible fucking idea.
Unfortunately, Australian billionaire Clive Palmer disagrees and has vowed that even though construction is being delayed until 2018, plans are fully in motion and this moronic vanity project will come to pass.
Just like the original, tickets are being offered in first, second and third classes which is also a little odd. I understand first class, what with the fine crystal and topless chubby Winslets, but why in the hell would anyone opt for third class?
You can get a cheap trans-Atlantic flight for $600. And while economy air travel sucks, it’s over in five or six hours, and you don’t have to be crammed in with a bunch of tuberculosis-ridden Irish for a week like you would on a boat.
Mockery aside, I would probably shit-can all of this logic and book a seat on Hindenburg II if Mr. Palmer decides to opt for the cursed old-timey transport bi-fecta. Zeppelins have personality and personality goes a long way.