, ,

As I was dropping my kids of at daycare today I couldn’t help but notice that most of the moms weren’t that hot. Most were chubby, and the one with three kids was so damn ugly I have a hard time believing anyone screwed her three times, but someone clearly did.

I know most of you will find this hard to believe, but Mike Codajoy is no male model. Pish posh, you say. I know it’s shocking, but it’s true. I am also a horrible person. I am a loud-mouth racist, and I drink too much. I also may have a mild form of Tourette’s. I could go on and on, but I’ll stop there. My point is that there is someone for everyone. It’s just that in my case, and possibly in yours, you have to find a woman who is at that point in her life where she’s ready to settle.

Everyone would like to drive a Maserati, but let’s be honest, that just aint gonna happen. You’re going to buy a car that fits your budget, and the same thing is true with a spouse. You have to find someone in your price range.

And don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that price range was a metaphor. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there for sale. You just need to find a friendly human trafficker who is willing to walk you through the buying process.