frog I had to pick up my three unwanted miracles from daycare last Friday, and since it was a lead-up to a holiday, the child and teacher count was a little low. And since I send my kids to a shitty place, they just had all the kids sitting on a carpet watching a movie when I got there.

As I was signing the check-out book, the adult supervisor got a phone call and wandered off, and it was just me and ten kids. That pissed me off, so I had to think quick if I was going to teach them a lesson that I’m not their free babysitter and kids shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Thankfully, I was full of inspiration, and the Poop Fairy was born.

I asked the kids if anyone lost a tooth recently, and two kids raised their hand. Then I asked if the Tooth Fairy left them money for their teeth, and one kid said yes, and the other one said she got a toothbrush and floss, which just seems wrong, but I persevered.

I quickly explained that the Tooth Fairy had a cousin, the Poop Fairy, and if they left turds under their pillow at night, they’d get money, video games or whatever other presents they wanted.

And I know they bought it because I spent the whole ride home explaining over and over to my three dumbasses that they could not put shit under their pillow because there is no Poop Fairy.

Your move daycare.