Get_Out_of_jail_free_card Back in my younger days, there was a judge, Nina K. Peace, who just seemed to have it out for me, and I wasn’t alone. She was known as a total ball breaker, and she had a special hatred of men.

She died unexpectedly a few years ago, and to this day, I have to imagine her tombstone is streaked with piss trails from all the dudes who stop by to pay her their last respects.

I thought of old Nina the other day when I was playing Monopoly with my kids, and I got a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card, and it struck me. This is an awesome idea. Every citizen in the U.S. should get one of these cards when they turn 18, and you should be able to use it to get a free pass on any non-violent crime.

If nothing else, it would make going to court a lot more fun. If you got a pompous judge who delighted in giving lectures, you could let them give their little speech and then casually lay the card down on the edge of their pulpit.

You might lose your card, but that would be a small price for both freedom and the chance to wipe that smug, self-satisfied look off their face.