Well the Mayan apocalypse is almost upon us, and I have a few loose ends I need to wrap up before our world is plunged into fire and chaos.
Do I have any regrets? Sure. I wish I had gotten to teabag one of the presidents on Mount Rushmore. I also wish I had banged two really, really fat chicks at the same time, but that’s all water under the bridge now. The world as we know it is ending and I have to be ready.
For months I have been hoarding all of the necessary parts to build a moonshine still on some property I own out in the country. I haven’t assembled anything yet, but as soon as that comet of death starts streaking across the Friday morning sky, you can bet I’ll put on my overalls and go to work.
Even if society plunges into the abyss, people will need to drink, and I want to be there to slake that thirst.
Since drinking is no fun without smoking, I also bought 90,000 tobacco seeds from the good folks at Cross Creek Seeds. I’m not yet sure how I will plant and harvest them in my new Thunder Dome-like existence, but at least they’ll be there if I need them.
I do wish there was some way I could save all of the porn on the Internet for future generations, but that’s an impossible dream. We’ll have to make do like our fathers and their fathers before them. We will have to look at nude images of women printed onto paper. I know it seems primitive and barbaric, but I can’t think of any other alternative.