WTFAfter the birth of my latest unwanted miracle, I’ve decided I need to reduce my fertility. I’ve upped my alcohol consumption, bought cheaper cigars and taken other steps to hopefully reduce my sperm quality, and if I’m really lucky, maybe even shorten my life by a few blissful years.

My latest lifestyle change was to turn in my comfy boxers for briefs, but I’m confused by one thing. Why do adult men’s underwear have a dick hole in them?

Am I supposed to struggle with that little elastic trapdoor every time I want to take a leak? And I’m not trying to brag here, but that opening is ridiculously small, not to mention that tooth filled zipper lurking right in front of it like some pecker eating monster.

As a general rule, I have a hard enough time not pissing on myself, and I don’t need to add a little penis obstacle course to the mix. Like every other sane man on the planet, I pee over the top of the waist band.

I guess another option is to go full retard and just drop the pants and underwear on the floor, but I think I’ll save that move for when I’m drunk or using one of those stadium trough urinals and just want to freak everyone out.

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