barflyI work with a guy who was born without the ability to feel shame, and he is able to effortlessly do things that would make a normal person borderline suicidal with embarrassment.

He probably has some kind of autism, but his defective brain is my gain and last week I decided to see if he was truly emotionally bulletproof by playing the pick-up game.

The rules are simple. You come up with a pick-up line and the person has to use it on anyone in the bar, and each successful delivery earns a free drink of their choice.

We only got to play for about 20 minutes before we were asked to leave, but this magnificent mongoloid used his time wisely.

The three he used:

Hi. They call me Fudgy the Whale because I’m fat and shit my pants. Can I buy you a drink?

I live with my dad. Do you want to come back to my house for a threesome?

I put the STD in stud. Do you want to get out of here?

He also swore he’d ask any woman with a cold sore if she’d like to get more herpes, but as hard as it is to believe, there wasn’t a single woman at the TGI Friday’s in Fredericksburg, Va that night with a weeping mouth sore.

Honorable mention:

This one didn’t technically happen in the bar, but he did tell a woman in a hijab at the gas station that she was “the bomb” which was probably the funniest line of the evening.

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