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NKOREA Rocket 7Last week North Korea carried out another nuclear test, and this one confirmed they’re in the process of perfecting a plutonium warhead. Their goal is to make it small and reliable enough to fit on a missile, and when coupled with one of their half-assed ICBMs, they would have a credible threat of hitting the west coast of the U.S with a nuke.

And, it gets better. There’s also speculation that North Korea is sharing technology with Iran, and before long, they too may have an offensive nuclear capability.

Lucky for us we have a competent and efficient government that is capable of fixing our domestic problems and will no doubt have a solution to this crisis.

What? We don’t? Our government is hopelessly inept and you’d sooner see Michael J. Fox win a game of Jenga then these pricks solve anything.

Lucky for all concerned I have a solution to this problem, and if everyone just listens to me, everything will be fine. We just need to stop fighting these guys and join them.

Before you groan and go back to surfing midget porn, hear me out. If you’re going to get into a bar fight, you want two lunatics on your side. Two guys that plain just don’t give a fuck and have no compunction about breaking bottles or using babies as human shields.

That’s Iran and North Korea. They’re two cock-punching, ear biting psychopaths, and we should party. We could call ourselves the Axis of Awesome, and just dare people to mess with us.

And to prove we mean business, the first order of business would be to take France’s lunch money. If they complain, we’ll blow up one of their faggy little art museums.