, , , ,

 I’m a man who has been around the block a few times, and when it comes to alcohol consumption, there’s virtually nothing I haven’t tried. That’s why I was surprised to learn a University of Tennessee student was recently hospitalized with a blood alcohol content over 0.40 percent after doing something called butt chugging.

According to the local police department, members of the kid’s fraternity stuck a rubber tube up their asses and poured alcohol directly into their rectums. Their thought was that the abundance of blood vessels in their poop chutes would allow the alcohol to enter directly into their bloodstreams without being filtered and diluted by their livers.

It seems to have worked, and the kids got ridiculously drunk.

I’m all for scientific investigation, but how in Christ’s name do you ever consider this a good idea? As a general rule if you hear the words “rubber tube” and “rectum” in any plan, that plan is going to end badly.

Drinking is supposed to be a journey, not a destination. Half the fun is letting the sweet amber liquid take hold so it can lead you on exciting adventures.

I’m always amazed how women seem to transform before my very eyes when I’m hitting the sauce. One minute she’s a grizzled old barfly, the next she’s a sexual dynamo bewitching me with her come-hither stare.

Alcohol should be savored and enjoyed, and under no circumstances should it be pumped into your ass as an enema. I really can’t stress that enough.