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I like Texas. Fathers are allowed to beat child molesters to death with their fists, and in my limited experience, traffic laws are treated as mere suggestions, not as rules you’re actually expected to follow. If the state wasn’t so goddamned hot, I’d move there in a second.

As another bonus, later this summer the Eagle Gun Range in Lewisville will start hosting kids’ birthday parties. If your little tot is at least eight-years-old, he and a group of friends can enjoy a fun-filled day poppin’ caps in a target’s ass.

The range is making two rooms available to host the parties, and the owners claim that much of the time will be spent educating kids on safe and responsible firearms handling. Since boys will be boys and aren’t really great at following rules, they might want to rethink that plan and just issue the kids bullet-proof vests when they walk in the door.

I always hated party games like “pin the tail on the donkey” as a kid, but I imagine it would be a blast with a gun. You’d get blindfolded, spun around three times, and then you’d have one shot to hit the donkey in the ass. And since it’s Texas, you might even be able to use a real donkey.

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