Super twink Justin Bieber is wanted for questioning by the LAPD after allegedly roughing up a photographer after he tried to take pictures of Bieber and his “girlfriend,” Selena Gomez. After the incident the photographer complained of chest pains and was taken to a hospital, but he was treated and released.
Let me provide a few additional details here. Justin Bieber is about five feet five inches tall and probably weighs about 120 pounds. That’s less than my wife, which is appropriate because he looks like a chick.
And why is his shoe off? Did he try to hit the photographer with it? That would make sense because women often do that and until someone proves otherwise; I’m going to assume that kid has a vagina.
Look, I can’t blame the photographer for trying to provoke a fight with someone rich and famous so he could get a settlement, but next time pick someone bigger than Justin Bieber. He could get knocked over by a gentle breeze.
Just go follow Tracy Morgan around. At some point he’ll hallucinate, think you’re a werewolf or a chupacabra, and attack you. Trust me; it will happen.
The Washing Post recently dropped a bombshell and revealed that nearly 50 years ago, Mitt Romney bullied a fellow student at his exclusive prep school and may have cut off some of his hair. Mitt claims not to remember the incident, and his case was bolstered when it was revealed one of the quotes from an alleged witness was fabricated, and the first he had even heard of the alleged incident was when it was mentioned by the Post’s reporter.
The other witnesses also allegedly leaned left, and at least one was a volunteer for President Obama’s election campaign. In light of these facts many have concluded Mitt Romney was the victim of a smear campaign and doubt he did anything inappropriate.
Unfortunately for Mitt Romney, he’s not getting off that easily. Mike Codajoy has received exclusive evidence that Mitt Romney is guilty of a far worse offense than just giving a haircut to an unpopular kid. We received startling documentation that shows he not only hit a toddler, but pushed him down and robbed him.
In March of 1949, Mitt Romney’s parents, George and Lenore, were hosting a small gathering at their Detroit home for some of their close friends. In attendance were a number of children, including one James Francis Buttons.
Mr. Buttons was a precocious two-year-old child, exactly one week younger than little Mitt Romney, and at some point during the gathering, he decided to take Mitt Romney’s favorite toy truck. A scuffle quickly ensued, and Mitt Romney allegedly smacked young Mr. Buttons across the face, and according to shocked witnesses, pushed him to the ground and took the toy truck.
Democratic strategist, Mitch BeLanc, who wasn’t present and indeed wouldn’t be born for another 17 years, expressed his shock and surprise at Mitt’s behavior. “Typical Republican,” he said. “He just pushes down the little guy and robs him. Why hasn’t this guy been arrested?”
Why, indeed. You may have escaped justice for the last 63 years, Mitt Romney, but we’ve got you now. We’ve got you good.