An Actual Picture Of The French President

An Actual Picture Of The French President

Last Monday the French newspaper Le Monde published allegations that the U.S. National Security Agency collected phone and electronic data from more than 70 million French citizens.

Predictably, the French government threw a little hissy fit, and U.S. intelligence Director James Clapper was forced to slap the French president before he got all hysterical.

Actually, he just denied the allegations and went on to say the story contained inaccurate and misleading information,” and for once I believe the U.S. government.

First off, no one gives a shit about you France, and what exactly would we find by snooping on you? A new way to surrender? Some secret croissant recipe that will bring the baking world to its knees?

You have nothing to offer. You’re like an aging actress who can’t accept the fact that you’ve lost your looks and your better days are behind you. Well they are, and it’s time you started accepting the bit parts and the minor world role befitting your place as a third-rate actor.

And for the love of God, take a damned bath. Studies have shown that less than half of French people bathe daily, and an astounding 40% of French men don’t even change their underwear daily.