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Can you believe it? Well, it’s true. I just saw a television commercial for Arby’s, and in between them touting their new “Slicing Up Freshness” advertising campaign, they told the awful truth. They even brought out legendary detective Bo Dietl to confirm it.

If you buy a sandwich at a Subway franchise, your meat has been professionally and hygienically prepared in a large food processing facility.

Is that really the best you’ve got, Arby’s? I’m supposed to care Subway doesn’t slice their own sandwich meat. Here’s a newsflash, I bet they don’t make their own cups and napkins either.

I never once thought there was a full-service delicatessen in the back of every Subway restaurant, and I can’t say that really bothers me. If anything it means the flunky making my sandwich isn’t going to lose a finger while trying to figure out how to use the meat slicer.

If Arby’s really wanted to go after Subway, they should get all racist. I suggest they focus on the fact that most of the franchises are owned by foreigners, and hint that every time someone buys a $5 foot long, they’re actually funding terrorism. I would also subtly accuse them of poisoning the food to make Americans sterile.

That’s how you attack a competitor. Not with this slicing up freshness bullshit.