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During the Olympics, NBC has been heavily hyping their new show, Stars Earn Stripes. I managed to tune out the promos the first hundred times I saw them, but seeing as how they’re now airing during every goddamned commercial break, it’s getting harder and harder to ignore them.

The premise is that B-list celebrities like Nick Lachey will be paired with special ops. or law enforcement trainers who will prepare them to compete in a series of challenges. The show sounds absolutely awful, but it’s really only one step away from being brilliant. They just need to turn it into a real-life version of The Running Man and hunt these assholes for sport.

I would give each “celebrity” a month’s worth of training, a weapon of their choice, and then set them all loose in an unpopulated area. After a suitable head start, soldiers of fortune would be allowed to track them down and kill them.

The same drones we currently use to spy on our citizens could hover discretely overhead and record all of the action. Will Dean Cain selflessly sacrifice himself and take a bullet to save Picabo Street? Will Terry Crews ambush Todd Palin and make him his forest wife? I don’t know, but I’d love to find out.

There’s a gold mine of action and drama here, and it’s not like we don’t make B-list celebrities every day. It’s a large enough population that it can be sustainably hunted, and with proper management and conservation techniques, the show could go on indefinitely.

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