Maybe if you kiss that toad, he'll turn into a prince.

Maybe if you kiss that toad, he’ll turn into a prince.

I don’t want you to make the same mistake I made so don’t let the word safari confuse you. Under no circumstances will they allow you to take a herd of women onto the trackless steppe and hunt them until only your future wife remains.

The reality is actually far more sexy or pathetic, depending on your level of self-esteem.

Moderately wealthy Americans and Brits are paying matchmaking companies to put together groups of love (and food) hungry Ukrainian and Russian chicks for them to meet. These lonely and socially inept Casanovas then embark on multi-city romance tours to audition their potential brides.

Predictably, feminist activists have condemned this practice as barbaric and exploitative but as usual, they have no idea what they’re talking about.

I have to assume life in Russia is goddamned horrible, what with the 10-month winters and frequent Yeti attacks. If you have a chance to escape that godforsaken place, you better take it.

And what’s the worse that’s going to happen here? One of these hot young things comes to the U.S. or Britain, gets showered with gifts by her dork husband and then screws the pool boy while he’s at work?

Wow that sounds terrible. How will they ever manage?