In honor of the Fourth of July, I’m currently working on prepping the explosives and rockets I’ll be using to celebrate our great nation’s independence from the hated British. As those effeminate limeys sit home watching some comedy that no doubt revolves around a man wearing women’s clothes, I’ll be creating the sparks and explosions that will create a forest fire so large, God himself will look down approvingly.

As exciting as all this is, I will confess to a certain amount of been there, done that boredom. I start fires and blow stuff up all the time, and while it’s neat to launch rockets in my neighborhood one night a year, I crave something more. And thanks to the great folks at www.driveatank.com, I just may have found it.

For $549 you can drive a tank and an armored personnel carrier. You can also bring along two friends to ride and watch, and when it’s all done, they’ll even let you shoot a few historic machine guns on their range.

If you really want to up the boner factor, you can get the car crushing package. There you’ll drive a 120,000 pound Chieftain Main Battle Tank and use it to crush up to two cars.

I actually did something similar years ago when I used my uncle’s Caterpillar 953 loader to “accidentally” back over one of the old abandoned cars on his farm, and I’d love to do it again. And since I’m banned from borrowing his equipment anymore, renting a tank is probably the only way to make that happen.

People who say America has lost its competitive spirit should take note. No one in the world is better at filling a niche than us, no matter how insane it may be. U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A.