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I just read an article, and it turns out they’re still making Enzyte pills for “natural male enhancement.” The company’s founder, Steve Warshak, was given a 25-year prison sentence in 2008 for fraud, conspiracy and money laundering, and the company declared bankruptcy, but someone else bought the brand and kept right on cranking out these fake pecker plumpin’ pills.

Samoan Mike once asked me if I thought there were any real penis enlargement pills on the market, and I told him I’m 100% sure there aren’t. If they existed, the inventor would become the world’s richest man overnight. They would have to invent a new term to describe how rich he would be.

If there was a simple pill that could make your dick bigger, every single man on planet earth would buy it. It wouldn’t matter if you had a 2-inch micro-wiener or a foot-long salami, every single man would still take them. You think strippers go nuts with breast implants, well that would look downright reasonable compared to what men would do.

I don’t think it’s incorrect to assume at least 10% of the heterosexual male population would get so carried away, we would have to bring back codpieces because they could no longer wear normal clothes. That doesn’t even come close to what the gay guys would do. They would probably just wear them around their necks like fleshy feather boas.