, , , , ,

smokestack1 Most reasonable people assume that much like dry land, man-made global warming is a myth. It’s nothing more than a liberal fantasy propped up by uninformed articles and an inborn hostility to business.

Real men love pollution because it signifies productivity, jobs and industry.

When I walk past a giant smokestack belching chemicals into the air I like to lay down on the ground next to it and pretend like it is actually my penis jutting far up into the sky. And that white cloud spewing from the top is my toxic load, and I’m shooting it all over Mother Nature’s stupid, hippy face.

Unfortunately, a small number of people are completely irrational and refuse to listen to reason. They’re convinced that pollution is somehow bad, and global warming is a threat to all mankind.

Just last week a study was published in the journal Nature Geoscience that dealt with the possibility of a runaway greenhouse effect. That’s the scenario where a planet’s atmosphere traps so much heat that temperatures rise to life-destroying levels.

According to their research, and factoring in the pace at which human activities are pumping greenhouse gases into the air, that magical date is 1.5 billion years in the future.

That’s right, if we keep pumping greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere, in 1,500,000,000 years, it will destroy the planet.

I’m just thankful that Jesus will return in his spaceship long before that and take all of us believers to paradise.