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thisbudsforyou You see those guys off to the right? They’re having a normal male conversation. It’s short, to the point, and threatens someone with a sexual assault. It’s the perfect embodiment of male speech, and please note the lack of extraneous details, meandering trains of thought, or general pissing and whining.

Researchers have long known that women are instinctively hostile to silence, and past studies have shown they talk about three times as much as men. However, no one really knew why – until now.

According to a recent study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, women process a higher level of a language protein in their brains, and this little organic compound seems to make them congenitally incapable of telling a story that’s less than a thousand words.

As the parent of a son and a daughter, I had no doubt biology, and not sociology, was to blame here. My son and I can literally go days without using more than a few words, but my daughter started talking in full sentences at a year-and-a-half, and she has never shut up since.

Now that we know what makes women talk so much, I have to wonder if science can develop an antidote. We don’t need to drug them with it every day, but let’s say you’re going to be alone with your wife or female friend, and want something you can drop in her drink to make her talk less.

Actually, the more I think about it, we already have roofies, so I’ll just keep using those.