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dryerIf there is one thing on God’s green earth I hate, it’s a public bathroom with a warm air hand dryer.

Inevitably, it has a little sign saying that the infernal device save trees, but that placard conveniently forgets to mention that the dryer is probably powered by a coal fired electric plant, so you can shove that environmental nonsense up your ass.

It also omits the fact that according to a study in the Journal of Applied Microbiology, using a traditional warm-air hand dryer actually boosts the number of bacteria on your skin by up to 45 percent.

I’m no doctor, but I’m going to guess those same poop molecules floating around the bathroom as stink land in the dryers. And since most people are morons, they’re not washing their hands properly in the first place, so as soon as the blower starts, a little shit cyclone is blown all over you and the bathroom.

This is exactly why we need to stop listening to environmentalists. We used to have a good thing going. We clear cut the rainforests, hunted Yanomami for sport, and we got cheap and plentiful paper towels to wash our hands and open filthy doors.

Sometimes the old ways really are best.