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Rhode Island is our country’s smallest state, but its politicians have big plans to ruin every square inch of it. Rather than focus on the hardworking men and women who do things like have jobs and pay taxes, Senator John Tassoni recently sponsored a “Homeless Bill of Rights.”

This bill would prevent cops, healthcare workers, landlords and employers from discriminating against people simply because they are homeless, and it easily passed the Senate. It’s currently under consideration by the General Assembly, and if it passes there, Rhode Island will be the first state in the Union to make filthy bums a protected class

Before I catch flak for being an elitist, let me say a few things. I grew up poor in a single-parent household so I’m not totally without compassion for these disease-ridden transients. But I disagree with the belief that most of them are just hard-working men and women who had some bad luck.

Over half of all homeless people suffer from mental illness or drug and alcohol dependence, and to be honest, you probably want to keep your distance from them. I was once almost bitten by one, and it was only my quick anti-bum reflexes and absolute willingness to throw him into traffic that prevented me from undergoing a series of painful rabies shots.

They shouldn’t be coddled, and bums are best treated like wild dogs. You can throw them some food or Aristocrat vodka if they look hungry or thirsty, but don’t get too close or put your hands by their dish. You also want to refrain from touching or petting them, and if they get too aggressive, don’t be afraid to hit them with a stick.