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On Sunday sisters Annabella and Alyssa Radnovich were swimming at Lake Anna State Park when they were attacked by a beaver. The 65-pound behemoth first circled the little girls before savagely biting both of them, and Virginia officials have claimed the animal was rabid.

I don’t buy the official government line, and I think there’s a cover-up here. I suspect this beaver was actually a radioactive mutant that has developed a taste for human flesh, and state officials are suppressing this information for fear it will create a public panic.

You think I’m crazy? I live only a short drive from this body of water and media outlets have conveniently omitted the fact that this so-called lake is actually a cooling reservoir for the North Anna Nuclear Generating Station.

The plant’s original owners were fined back in 1975 for building it over a known geological fault, and the nuclear plant wasn’t built to handle the 5.8 magnitude earthquake that hit our area last August.

The spent fuel storage pools at North Anna also contain more than four times the amount of fuel they were designed to hold, and this represents one of the largest concentrations of radioactivity in the U.S.

Was there a radioactive leak last summer, and was there a cover-up? Has this possible leak already started to mutate local animals in strange and dangerous ways?

I’m not a doctor, but I am a well-armed lunatic, and I answer yes to all of the above. If you don’t have a radioactive beaver contingency plan in place, I recommend you get one now before it’s too late.