, , , , , , , ,

By now you may have heard about Dan Sandler. He’s the lunatic who was once kicked out of Cambodia for running the “Rape Camp” website, and he now spends his days dressing up in an Elmo suit and wandering around New York City’s Times Square and Central Park.

He’s not exactly a street performer, but he lets tourists and their kids take their pictures with him, and in return they give him a few bucks.

Unfortunately, Dan is nuts, and he has a hard time staying in character. For months people have taken videos of him going on anti-Semitic and profanity-filled rants while he stomps around wearing the giant red suit. CNN even covered it, and even though they bleeped the profanity, the video is still hilarious.

Many people have publicly complained that Dan is tarnishing the reputation of a beloved Sesame Street character, but they’re completely off base. I for one would love to buy a talking Elmo who goes off on racist tangents and blames Jews for all of his problems. Trust me; it would be much better than the Elmo doll my kids have now. That little cretin just sings the same four goddamned songs about the colors and shapes he loves.

Toy makers are constantly looking for hot new ideas, and this is one of them. They should take some of their tired old toy lines and give them a gritty reboot.

Walking STDs like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are all the rage, and Mattel should give Barbie a fame-whore makeover. She could have a sex tape, party non-stop and ramble incoherently about issues she barely understands. And, unlike the real versions, you can just throw this one in the trash where it belongs when you get tired of her.

And don’t even get me started about an anatomically correct Mr. Potato Head. If Hasbro makes the attachments big enough, he might even be popular with the ladies, if you know what I mean.