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Amy Marie Harper, 38, is a prosecutor in Spotsylvania County, Va. On Friday night she was driving her fancy little Porsche when she rear-ended a Dodge Stratus. The Dodge then catapulted into another car. There’s no word on whether or not anyone was injured, but Amy was allegedly drunk and was charged with DUI, refusing to take a blood or breath test and following too closely.

I have been charged with multiple offences in Spotsylvania County, and that goddamn prosecutor’s office once threatened me with jail time for a speeding ticket. Granted, I may have been going 30 miles over the speed limit, but unlike Amy Marie Harper, I was at least sober and didn’t hit anybody.

Look, as a general rule, I view driving under the influence like I view sexual harassment or public indecency. They’re all victimless crimes. However, when a member of the Spotsylvania County Commonwealth Attorney’s Office is involved, all bets are off, and I hope this hypocrite gets the chair.