All HailJägermeister is an amazing elixir. Drink too much and you invariably end up naked in someone’s yard humping their lawn ornaments. However, if you power through the black-out phase and keep drinking, you’ll be rewarded with visions of the future.

Stock Market Crash

The day of reckoning is almost here, and if you have money in the market, you need to get it out. The Federal Reserve has propped up stocks to levels where they have no business being, and when this thing corrects, it’s going to be devastating.


The largest positioning case in U.S. history will occur when terrorists working for a national product manufacturer will simultaneously send out tens of thousands of tainted drinks, pills and supplements. The death toll will be fairly low, but the after-effects will linger for years.

The Next U.S. President

Will die in office.

Boom Shakalaka

A nuclear device will be detonated on the American coast which will kick off civil unrest that for a time will resemble a civil war. Amazingly, peace will come fairly quickly, and a large white obelisk will be built to commemorate it.

Catholic Church

Due to its leftward shift, the Church will face the largest schism it has seen since the Protestant Reformation.