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Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen called on friends and family to pray for her husband Tom Brady and the Patriots and “send them positive energy so they can fulfill their dream of winning this Super Bowl.” I applaud Gisele for this, and I hope God and Jesus finally get off their ass and bring a little hope and relief to this long suffering couple.

Just look at poor Gisele. She has already been through so much. Can’t you just see the worry-lines etched onto her perfect face? Sure she has been called “the most beautiful woman in the world,” and her good looks have allowed her to amass a fortune of over $70 million by just sitting there and looking pretty. But aside from blessing her with fame, wealth and exceptional beauty, what has God done for her lately?

And what about Tom Brady? I realize he may be worth over $100 million and has three Super Bowl rings, but doesn’t he deserve another one. And, if you’re a Christian, isn’t it your divine duty to pray that he gets it?

There is just so much suffering in the world. There is genocide in Sudan and Congo, rampant drug violence in Mexico, widespread suffering in Haiti, and how can we forget all that’s happened to Tom and Gisele. Please, God, answer Gisele’s prayer.

And Satan, please answer my prayer and make Tom Brady spontaneously combust during the coin flip this Sunday. That, my dark lord, would be awesome.