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The last 400 years haven’t been good to the Indians. When Columbus landed in the Americas in 1492, the number of Native Americans within the current boundaries of the U.S. was about 19 million. By 1900, that number had dropped to 237,000.

Native Americans are by most estimates America’s poorest minority, and many of them live on reservations that were purposefully located on undesirable land. They have the lowest life expectancy of any group in the U.S., and for their young adults, suicide is the second leading cause of death.

But, things are looking up. The clueless leftists of the Oregon State Board Of Education have decided the root cause of all of their problems is the use of Indian mascots by Oregon schools. No longer will any public educational institution be allowed to use offensive terms like “Chief” or “Brave.”

I for one understand how dangerous a school mascot can be. At my school we were the “Fighting Hobos,” and before every game our mascot, “Dirty Dan,” would try to stab an opposing player with his school-issued hobo knife. Luckily, he was always subdued before anyone was hurt.

Oregon has issued a list of recommended replacement mascots, and they seem a little weak. Some highlights include “The Tolerant Teens, Pussy Willows, Daisy Chains, Endangered Proboscis Monkeys and Lil’ Democrats.”

I just hope those Indians appreciate the sacrifice made by these brave Oregonians. Do they realize how many signs will have to be changed and how much new stuff will have to be ordered? It’ll probably cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. And instead of using that money to actually help Native Americans, I’m sure they’ll appreciate the symbolism much more than food or better medical care.

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