I popped into McDonald’s about 15 minutes before closing the other night for a coffee, and there was only one other customer, so I figured I’d be in and out. I was wrong. I neglected to consider that the only other customer was a senior citizen, and he was going to make it his mission to do strange and annoying shit.

For one, he ordered the Filet-O-Fish. I assume McDonald’s sells about three of those a year, so they’re never ready. He then decided to pay for his $1.40 item with a $100 dollar bill. Of course the cashier didn’t have change because it was almost closing so she had to go back to the office.

When she returned three minutes later and gave this geezer his change, he proceeded to rifle through the quarters and ask if she had a Georgia-state quarter. Being as she was an illegal immigrant and didn’t speak much English, she had no idea what in the hell he was talking about. After another confusing minute, a manager was called.

For the hell of it, I checked the change in my pocket, and both of the quarters I had were Georgia quarters. I wonder if God was testing me to see if I had even a shred of humanity left, and if I would give one of them to the old guy. Then again, if God is omniscient, he already knew the answer to that question.