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I have the bad luck to live in a battleground state so every time I turn on the television, I have to see 10 political ads about a presidential election I don’t care about. I dislike both candidates intensely, but the Obama ads really make my skin crawl.

The one I just saw featured a bunch of women pissing and whining that Romney is going to outlaw abortion and take the country back to the 1950s. Since they’re women, I understand that facts and reason are foreign concepts, but the last time I checked, the president can’t make any laws about abortion or anything else. National laws are made by Congress and since abortion was declared constitutional by the Supreme Court, you would need a Constitutional Amendment to outlaw it.

On the other hand, going back to the 50s sounds pretty good, and Romney should actually make that part of his platform. He’s already a Mormon, and they practically live in a time warp, so this isn’t much of a stretch.

Back in the 50s our economy was the best in the world, gas was cheap, and nightstick wielding cops kept the hippie menace in check. The only downside was drugs were hard to find, but the easy availability of alcohol and tolerance of daytime drinking more than makes up for that.

Actually, the more I think about it, the 1850s were even better. There were no such things as drug laws, alcohol was literally sold by the barrel, and if there was a job you didn’t want to do, you could just buy a slave and make him do it. Good times.