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subaru In the greatest automotive shock since Henry Ford perfected mass production, it was reported last week that a heterosexual man in Fredericksburg, Virginia bought a Subaru Forester for himself.

Lead salesperson Marc Bishop explains. “We saw this breeder walk in, and when he asked about the Forester, we figured he was looking for something for his lesbian daughter. I did think it was a bit odd that he asked me it was a good car ‘to pick up chicks,’ but I just assumed he was comfortable with her lifestyle and he wanted her to be happy.”

When the customer asked if the vehicle was “hip” and if it “was something a soccer mom would like” a light went off in Mr. Bishop’s brain.

“Holy shit. This guy isn’t buying it for his lesbo kid. He’s having a mid-life crisis, and he’s buying it for himself.”

At this point Mr. Bishop decided this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and he had to have some fun with it.

“I remember him laughing when I told him only a can of tuna would attract more pussy than this hot little number. And for a second I did think I went too far when I offered to throw in both the upgraded speaker package and the complete Melissa Etheridge box set, but he didn’t even miss a beat.”

The unidentified man reportedly paid the full MSRP because he was “in a hurry to hit the town,” but he did happily wait as the staff put the customary rainbow sticker on the bumper because like he said, “women love rainbows.”

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