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Thanks to years of pretend fans bemoaning its cancellation, the “cult hit” Arrested Development will start filming new episodes for Netflix in four weeks. In its initial run, the show limped through three low-rated seasons, but because of critical acclaim, Fox kept it on the air and gave it every chance to succeed. The problem is it never did.

Every year it ended up as one of the lowest rated shows on television, and it was routinely beaten out by public access broadcasts of city council meetings and random mimes in public squares.

Seriously, if 10% of the people who pretend to love that stupid show actually watched it, it would have been a hit. And don’t tell me it was just too smart for American viewers. If I wanted to watch some smug jackoff wink, nod and tell me how cool he is for 30 minutes, I’d either turn on Jon Stewart or buy a mirror.

And while we’re on the topic of over-hyped television shows, I don’t like Community either. Yeah, you heard that right, Internet. I like Joel McHale’s stand-up, but an entire episode of inside-jokes is just exhausting. And trust me, I already have enough gifs of Alison Brie jiggling to last a lifetime, so you can shove the T&A up your A.

Did I miss anything, Internet? Is there any other undesirable product you want to shove down my throat and have me pretend to like? How about bacon?

Fuck bacon. Bacon is a side dish, noting more. It belongs on the edge of my plate somewhere between the hash browns and the jelly packet. I don’t want to see bacon suits, bacon shakes or bacon scented candles, and the next prick who forwards me a bacon-related link is getting kicked in the nuts.

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