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An increasingly desperate Newt Gingrich was spotted shirtless behind a Manhattan, Kansas 7-11 yesterday drinking a 40 and challenging presumptive Republican presidential nominee, Mitt Romney, to a fist-fight for the nomination. One local witness described the scene as “something out of James Carville’s wet dreams” and said “it almost made me feel sorry for the pumpkin-headed son of a bitch.”

Newt revealed earlier this week he has more debts than cash on hand, and he is being forced to lay off about a third of his campaign’s full-time staff. His attempts to charge supporters $50 for a picture with him, and to make them “feel real good” for another $50, have done little to replenish his coffers.

Many pundits feel the Gingrich campaign had some early momentum, but his negative campaign ads, arrogant attitude and increasingly bizarre behavior turned off voters. Once they started to realize what a self-serving little sociopath he was, their support dwindled.

The final nail in his campaign coffin was probably his performance at the second presidential debate in Florida. Libertarian presidential strategist Mike Codajoy explains. “When he stepped out from behind the podium, and we saw he wasn’t wearing any pants, we knew there was something wrong. But things went from bad to worse when he dropped his boxers and told everyone his new slogan was, ‘If you don’t like it, you can suck it,’ while pointing at his penis. That definitely hurt him.”

The Gingrich campaign has managed to come back from the dead twice during this cycle, but even plagues eventually end. If there is a God, the third time will not be a charm.

This was originally published on www.technorati.com

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