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themoon Yesterday morning someone at church asked me my New Year’s resolution, and I told him it was to go to Tijuana to find out if donkey shows were real or just an urban legend. His follow-up question of “What’s a donkey show?” brought a huge smile to my face, and just as I was about to explain it, my wife butted in and changed the subject.

Before long the service started, and as I sat in my pew and tuned out some parable about mustard seeds or some other spice, I started to wonder if I really should make a New Year’s resolution. God knows I should quit drinking, work out, or even stop staring at women’s’ tits so hard they inevitably cross their arms or grab a jacket, but let’s be honest, none of that is going to happen.

Maybe we should all start thinking bigger anyway. Instead of making lame, individual resolutions, we could pool our resources and do something awesome.

For instance, I would love to write “France Sucks” on the moon so every time a Frenchman looked wistfully into the night sky, his little throat sacks would inflate with anger as he croaked about his nation’s wounded pride.

And don’t just dismiss this idea out of hand. A few years ago I seem to remember a company floating the idea of using moon rovers to cut small trenches to allow them to put advertisements on the moon. The idea was that by doing something called shadow-scaping, they could write words and even place companies’ logos on the lunar surface.

It would only take a hundred thousand people kicking in a thousand bucks each to raise a hundred million dollars. When you put it like that, can we even afford not to do this?

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