drinkResearchers at the LWL-University Hospital in Bochum, Germany recently completed a study in which men were asked to look at a set of 36 eyes, half belonging to men and half belonging to women, and then guess their emotions.

And to the surprise of absolutely no one, the men were far better able to guess other men’s emotions than women’s.

Many have speculated there is an evolutionary reason for this, and historically, it was far more important for men to be able to tell if other men were a threat. The male dominance of all societies also played a role.

Until 1961, no man on the planet took any woman seriously. Females were simply lumped together with the kids and if any of them got out of line, you didn’t sit down and patiently listen to them explain their side of the story. You let old doc. backhand work his magic, then you poured yourself a drink and went to bed.

Unfortunately, as plausible as that all sounds, it’s completely wrong. The real reason men can’t understand women is because defective male brains were favored by evolution.

As a man I can tell you, if any woman is in the least bit nice to any man, we naturally assume you want to bang us. It could be a friendly cashier, a pleasant bank teller or even an overly long hung from grandma. You think you’re just being polite, but we interpret it as a signal you want to mate.

And thanks to our inability to gauge your total lack of interest, we just keep pursuing you until you eventually give up and decide to settle.