The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. And it’s fitting that Satan’s lair, Canada, has duped the planet into believing they’re self-effacing, polite buffoons who only live to make the world a better place.
Inside every Canadian beats the heart of a back-stabbing traitor, and they have even used their powers of treachery to destroy otherwise patriotic Americans. Benedict Arnold was once a great American war hero, but after his invasion of Quebec, he was infected with the Canadian bacillus and betrayed his country.
But even Arnold’s treachery pales before the perfidiousness displayed by Canadian-born Ted Cruz on Wednesday night at the Republican National Convention.
On an evening that should have been used to glorify the future greatest president in U.S. history, Cruz returned to his villainous Canadian roots and betrayed him on the national stage.
And the worst part is the goddamned ingratitude of it all. Mr. Trump in his infinite mercy and benevolence had forgiven Cruz for all his past transgressions and allowed him to bask in the glory of Trump’s orange glow.
But like all Canadians, Ted Cruz can’t be trusted, and he repaid Trump’s kindness with infidelity and duplicity.
Much like Jesus, Trump will no doubt forgive even this act of faithlessness, but Canada better be on notice. There is a limit to our benevolence, hat, and based upon your past misdeeds, we are well within our rights to send our mighty armies across your borders and complete the work our brave boys began back in 1775.